At the risk of making it appear as though I don’t have a lot going on in my life (I don’t)… Bachelor finales, the surprise appearance of new Instagram filters, long awaited announcements regarding hotly debated emoji updates, and pretty much anything involving Grant Denyer, all elicit pretty extreme responses in me. The kind prompting the excitable, trembly fingered texting of sms’s awash with exclamation marks and love heart eyes, to everyone I know.
Or to at least like,
five, three, one (long suffering) friend anyway.
There was actual HYPE about the imminent apple emoji update though, and I was getting amongst it.
Or I was for like thirty five seconds when I found out through a comment on someone else’s Instagram feed that it was actually happening via the blank box of doom that indicates someone else has an emoji that you don’t. 🗅
FOMO alert. Level: extreme.
In actual fact, in order to have the storage space to even do the update I had to delete like seven videos, four apps and 453 cherished memories of my children that I will never get back.
It was worth it though, because; unicorn.
Alas, I’m still trying to recover from the compounding sense of disappointment suffered in the face of still no vomit face emoji. I also would have liked a dancing Beyoncé single ladies emoji, but perhaps that was too much to ask for. The flamingo though is probably the biggest oversight of all. Someone at apple was clearly drunk and needs a written warning.
Thanks be to god and his forbidden fruit, we do now have this guy to use.
I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve said to my friends and loved ones “where is the levitating business man emoji when you need it”.
I was also left with some confusion over the fact that the hugging emoji face looks more like jazz hands and really that could lead to some awkward situations when someone texts you that their dog just died. But whatever, who am to judge? I once tried to draw a stick figure portrait of my daughter at her request and she asked me why I was drawing an angry octopus.
Really though, I should be extolling my gratitude that we now have an eye roll, a taco, a badminton racket, a champagne bottle, a box of popcorn and a live turkey because that all adds up to a pretty amazing Saturday night out, when in my usual day to day life oftentimes all I really need to use is the tired face, the crying face and the pile of poo.
For my favourite new emoji however, there need not be words. Because where words fail, emojis speak.