Owned: parenting like a sucker

Wiping your child’s ass is a delicate balance between breathing through your mouth so as to eliminate the invasive odour, but simultaneously attempting to avoid actually inhaling an entire sewerage systems worth of invisible poo particles into your mouth, mid wipe.

I know this because it is an elegant waltz of malodour and thinly veiled repulsion Continue reading

Mother’s Day aka national small appliance discount day 

img_2526This week my lonely letter box, the one that has been distinctly lacking in top secret online shopping deliveries, because of a little thing I like to call our bank balance, instead has been inundated with catalogues awash with a myriad of fabliss ideas for Mother’s Day.

And the word awash seems irritatingly appropriate Continue reading

Lesson #647 learnt the hard way: don’t lie in front of your kids (unless you want this to happen) 

imageAs a parent I’ve learnt many lessons along the way. Important lessons, life affirming lessons, lessons I perhaps wish I didn’t have cause to learn.

Things like the fact that everything I ever said or thought about having children before I had them was bullshit. (Insert blanket apology to anyone I ever spoke to Continue reading