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Feeling spicy today so putting it out to the universe that I’m proud to be raising a daughter that knows precisely what she wants and plans to go out and get it, with no reservations. Yes her stubborn will is all very tedious when she wants to go play touch football in the park at 6:45pm when it’s raining and everyone else is in their pjs quietly reading books to themselves and mummy just wants to sit down and prepare herself for the royal shit show that is married at first sight, but the fact that I’m not raising a robot, and I don’t want to be, is by no means lost on me. Sometimes she doesn’t listen. And by sometimes, I mean mostly. She thinks she knows everything. She talks back. She rapid fires questions at me like soldiers storming the beaches of Normandy. She doesn’t always do as she’s told. In fact she often doesn’t. She knows best, most of the time, even when she doesn’t. She’s tough, and stands up for herself and for other people. She’s not perfect and I don’t expect her to be because she’s an absolute ball of fucking energy and life and determination, and I know whatever she CHOOSES for her life, she will succeed in. And when I say “she chooses”, I mean “SHE chooses”. Not something I choose for her, because I like the way that it sounds. This messy, back chatty, sometimes difficult but wickedly intelligent, fire cracker of a girl is an absolute revelation to me, I wish I could be more like HER sometimes, and I couldn’t be prouder of her despite the fact that I am definitely 75% older looking because of her. Don’t try to put out the fire of a strong girl, you might get burnt. 💪

It’s hard to tell people about miscarriages. So often they are spoken through mumbles in private places, quietly, sometimes purely out of sheer desperation.. just to have some other living, breathing individual acknowledge the little life that you have lost. Often when no one knew you were even pregnant in the first place. Almost apologetically. Sorry to burden you with this.. but.. It’s even harder when the response you’re met with makes you feel like somehow it’s your own fault, or that you are in some ways solely accountable for your own sadness because well.. you just tested too soon. Or, oh, “it’s common”, or hey, “it was just a chemical pregnancy”. I know people aren’t always going to know what to say, no one is perfect. We’re all learning, we can all do better. I’m one of the lucky ones, I have three beautiful little messmakers to call my very own, and despite my multiple miscarriages along the way, we succeeded in creating our little family. But boy we encountered some lows on the road to getting there, and yes, I copped a barrage of comments when I did dare tell people that I had lost a pregnancy, that made me feel like somehow the world didn’t want to know about it. It’s uncomfortable. It makes people feel awkward. It’s not an easy conversation. It’s best kept behind closed doors. In sterile doctors rooms with white walls and latex gloves and a lump in your throat as your stare at the plastic skeleton of a pelvis on the desk and a pamphlet in your hand and a well meaning but somehow dismissive “at least you know you can get pregnant”. Maybe there is no right thing to say, but in my experience there are wrong things.. and @yvettemystakas wants to change the conversation around pregnancy loss. To #destigmatizepregnancyloss for all of us. It’s something I feel strongly about; so many of us experience this and yet it’s so hard to talk about. But let’s try. [Continued in the comments]

On the verge of having all three [!! yes three !!] of my small humans in school next week, pondering the notion of what it will be like to have a clean house again. Lol. No I won’t. Planning to spend first two weeks languishing on couch eating snacks out in the open with no one to share them with or complain that “mummy gets to eat chocolate whenever she likes but we don’t”. No one to loudly question “ARE YOU DOING A POO???” when I’m availing myself of the facilities in a public rest room. Instead, mornings will involve me braiding hair while someone’s screaming, putting three different fillings in three different sandwiches that literally no one will eat, arriving everywhere late and hoping to avoid any and all school mums who hate me [a surprising amount, to be fair].

My husband has just informed me that one day our children will read my Instagram captions and thank goodness because this is the closest thing to a baby book that I have. One day they’re going to be really pleased to read that on the 19th of January 2020 I likened my attempts at disciplining them to those SALE emails you get before Christmas warning you that you only have absolutely “one last chance” and then hours later receiving another email that says “good news, you have another chance!”.

As always, school holidays are a stark reminder that parenting is easy if you: ⠀ ⠀ 1. Hate sleep⠀ 2. Crave ill-informed feedback you didn’t ask for ⠀ 3. Can pull snacks out of thin air ⠀ 4. Enjoy going on pub crawls. And by that I mean pub...lic toilet crawls⠀ 5. Can name every species of bug⠀ 6. Don’t mind 95% of your meal planning revolving around plain pasta with cheese

⁣Tryna to look nice but you haven’t slept in five years 🤷‍♀️😂⠀ ⠀ That’s right folks, hell hath frozen over and I actually went out last night with the man I married, like real human adults with hopes and dreams and the ability to be in a social environment without holding someone’s chewed up food in your hand. ⠀ ⠀ Despite being in bed by 11:30pm, today at home alone with my children is like a human survival experiment I’m failing at. ⠀ ⠀ And I’m so unused to going out without my children, last night I cut up the chicken of the person next to me out of sheer habit. #notawkward ⠀ ⠀ Followed by this morning’s regular session of stating the obvious. ⠀ ⠀ “Well, you’re up early.”⠀ ⠀ -me to my children every day since they were born. ⠀ ⠀ Backing up a late night on the d-floor by hanging out all day with a small, irritable army you made yourself really shows you what you’re made of. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ Currently I’m made of coffee, rage and an altogether inappropriate amount of screen time. ⠀⠀ ⠀ Send halp. Or a someone to walk around behind me everywhere I go for the foreseeable future holding a ribbon wall because that’s now my desired aesthetic.⠀

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