I don’t know what they’re putting in the water come autumn, but it must be a little shoo-wop shoo-waddy-waddy yippity boom-de-boom, because when we were trying to conceive, before you could say chang-chang Continue reading
2. Real pain is when you offer someone some of your food to be polite and they actually take it.
3. I don’t call anyone. I’m basically paying $100 a month to decline incoming calls, forget to Continue reading
Wiping your child’s ass is a delicate balance between breathing through your mouth so as to eliminate the invasive odour, but simultaneously attempting to avoid actually inhaling an entire sewerage systems worth of invisible poo particles into your mouth, mid wipe.
I know this because it is an elegant waltz of malodour and thinly veiled repulsion Continue reading
This week my lonely letter box, the one that has been distinctly lacking in top secret online shopping deliveries, because of a little thing I like to call our bank balance, instead has been inundated with catalogues awash with a myriad of fabliss ideas for Mother’s Day.
And the word awash seems irritatingly appropriate Continue reading
Things like the fact that everything I ever said or thought about having children before I had them was bullshit. (Insert blanket apology to anyone I ever spoke to Continue reading
Après breakfast “impromptu” photoshoot whereby I force my first born children to snuggle up to me lovingly in appropriate lighting in order to replicate the wonder and emotion of Continue reading
“WHAT??? My baby has two hearts????”
“Oh… right…! Continue reading
I like to pretend that I had no choice but to be a routine parent because I began my motherhood journey in a cold sweat at the obstetrician being told I was expecting not one, but two babies. At once. Together. Both at the same time. Continue reading
It feels like yesterday I was being handed a tiny, squawky, shmoo covered baby who looked up at me with big blue eyes, a wrinkley pink forehead and promptly shat on me.
What with such an inauspicious start, I was hopeful that my little baby Continue reading
In fact. I hate dinner. There I said it.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have a strange phobia Continue reading